


no julian, tide pods are not edible

by valkyrite



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Highschool AU, Multi, Rated t for language and violence, They're All Gay, julien is still in denial about it though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:22:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25305952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyrite/pseuds/valkyrite
Summary: portia created a group chatportia : here come chaosaka. a highschool au chat fic no one asked for. in which lucio gets bullied for being a whore, asra is basically jesus, portia and nadia are the only sane humans, and muriel is so, so, tired.
Relationships: Asra/Muriel (The Arcana), Lucio/Valerius (The Arcana), Past Asra/Julian Devorak - Relationship, Portia Devorak/Nadia
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72





	1. o fuck

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh high school au i guess, they're the same age. lucio and nadia are co-school presidents. haha stupid au go brr
> 
> portia - cat mum  
> nadia - queen  
> lucio - goat bitch  
> asra - the holy jesus  
> julien - bird  
> muriel - chicken tender

_** portia created a group chat ** _

**portia** : here come chaos

_** portia added nadia and 3 more ** _

_** portia named themself 'cat mum' ** _

_** cat mum named nadia 'queen' ** _

_** cat mum named lucio 'goat bitch' ** _

_** cat mum named asra 'the holy jesus' ** _

_** cat mum named julien 'bird' ** _

**cat mum** : hello gays

**cat mum** : guys*

**cat mum** : but that works too i guess

**queen** : Babe?

**cat mum** : hi babe!!

**queen** : What's this?

**cat mum** : a group chat! for us friends to interact with each other i guess

**the holy jesus** : lmao you considered lu*io your friend?

**the holy jesus** : also why is this my name

**cat mum** : of course not i just want to see you two fist fighting each other via text

**cat mum** : dude its because you do magic 

**cat mum** : ppl in my calc class has been calling you jesus since forever

**cat mum** : also i dont have ur bf's contact can u add him

**the holy jesus** : sure

**_the holy jesus added muriel_ **

****

**_the holy jesus named muriel 'chicken tender'_ **

**chicken tender** : what is this?

**the holy jesus** : friends, muriel. you need more

**_chicken tender left the group chat_ **

****

**_the holy jesus added chicken tender_ **

**the holy jesus** : please dont leave

**the holy jesus** : for me? please??

**chicken tender** : fine but you're on thin fucking ice

**the holy jesus** :  ❤️

**bird** : ha gay

**queen** : that's rich coming from you of all people, Julien

**bird** : what do you mean

**bird** : im not gay im straight

**cat mum** : ok bottom

**queen** : ok bottom

**bird** : IM NOT A BOTTOM

**the holy jesus** : jules

**the holy jesus** : we literally fucked

**the holy jesus** : i literally sucked your dick

**the holy jesus** : you did suck mine

**chicken tender** : ew i did not need to know that

**the holy jesus** : dont worry babe i like urs better

**queen** : asra.. can you not say things like this in front of us

**queen** : gross

**cat mum** : EW EW EW EW

**cat mum** : SHUT UP ASRA YOU FUCKING WEIRDO

**bird** : THAT WAS A ONE TIME THING

**bird** : IM NOT GAY

**bird** : IM LEAVING YOU ALL SUCK

**the holy jesus** : sure pal

**the holy jesus** : whatever u say

**cat mum** : dont mind him hes in denial

**cat mum** : i can hear him muttering 'im not gay' from his room jesus fuck

**queen** : i remembered portia being in that phase too

**queen** : she said and i quote 'just because im in love with you doesn't mean i'm gay. we're in a straight gay relationship!'

**cat mum** : NADI STOP EXPOSING ME THAT WAS BEFORE IVE CAME IN TERM WITH MY PANSEXUALITY  🥺

**bird** : lmao straight gay relationship

**cat mum** : shut up bottom 

**bird** : fuck you

**bird** : anyway wheres lucio 

**bird** : the teacher paired us together for a group project together and that fucker wont answer his phone

**the holy jesus** : hes in detention for yeeting his phone at me straight to my face

**bird** : WHAT

**bird** : when did that happen 

**the holy jesus** : this morning

**queen** : i have a video

_** queen sent a video ** _

** [ the video includes a very blurry form of lucio and asra yelling at each other in the middle of a hallway. people are chanting 'fight fight fight'. muriel is trying to not get mauled alive by vulgora. portia is throwing m&ms at lucio to support asra. suddenly lucio grabbed his phone and throw it straight to asra's face, asra quickly dodged it, grab someone's bag near him and throw. the bag hit straight to lucio's face, lucio shrieked. then volta yelled 'a teacher is here!', causing everyone to run away ] **

**bird** : this shit is so chaotic i love it

**bird** : i shouldn't have overslept

**bird** : this is even better than the time nadia threw a flamethrower at him.

**bird** : but why arent you and portia in detention too 

**cat mum** : i let the teacher pet my cat. she fell in love with pepi and decided to not punish me.

**the holy jesus** : lets just say i have some ties :)

**chicken tender** : you showed the teacher a magic trick she was so impressed she let you go

**the holy jesus** : dont tell my secret :/


	2. chaos 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these bitches crazy good for them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> portia - cat mum  
> nadia - queen   
> lucio - goat bitch   
> asra - the holy jesus  
> julian - bird  
> muriel - chicken tender

**goat bitch** : I GOT MY PHONE BACK BITCHEZ ! 

**goat bitch** : AND I SEE YOU UNGRATEFUL BRATS TALKIN ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK ! RUDE !

**goat bitch** : WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YALL TO DESERVE THIS TREATMENT?

**chicken tender** : you bullied me through out my middle school years and never apologize

**bird** : force fed me a bug in 10th grade

**the holy jesus** : pretended to be my minecraft gf as a prank 3 years ago

**cat mum** : omg he did what?

**cat mum** : that's EVIL

**the holy jesus** : yea i cried for four days

**queen** : also our relationship repulsed me so much i dont think i can ever date a man ever again

**goat bitch** : i 

**goat bitch** : anyway does anyone wanna play fortnite 

**bird** : bitch u aint going anywhere come back right here we still have our calc duo project

**goat bitch** : uhuh peace out besties !  👋✨

**bird** : BITCH COME BACK

**bird** : LUCIO

**bird** : YOU GOAT THOT

**bird** : COME BACK WE HAVENT DISCUSS THE PROJECT YET

**bird** : COME BACK RN OR IM TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR FEET PICS PATREON

**the holy jesus** : his what

**cat mum** : i- WHAT

**queen** : oh my...

**goat bitch** : ...

**goat bitch** : I DONT HAVE A FEET PICS PATREON

**bird** : THEN WHATS THIS THEN

**_[the picture julian sent shows a close-up looks of a man's left feet in heels, the man is undoubtedly lucio- looking at the gold prosthetic touching the leg]_ **

**goat bitch** : I WILL KILL YOU JULIN HOW FYCKING DARE YOU

**the holy jesus** : OH MY GOD LMAOOOOOO

** chicken tender left the groupchar **

** the holy jesus added chicken tender **

**the holy jesus** : stay muri this is getting fun

**queen** : oh god.. what- i cant i- I-

**goat bitch** : STOP SHAMING ME I AM NINETEEN I AM A GROWN MAN I DO WHATEVER I WANT  🤬🤬

**cat mum** : but like... why

** goat ** **bitch** : look sweetie i was in jail for patricide my ma no longer covers for me or give me allowance a bitch gotta live somehoe

**bird** : HERES ANOTHER ONE LMAOOO

** bird sent a picture **

**chicken tender** : i've seen enough

** chicken tender left the groupchat **

** the holy jesus added chicken tender **

** chicken tender left the groupchat **

** the holy jesus added chicken tender **

**chicken tender** : fine.

**goat bitch** : FUCK YOU JULIAN I WILL K WORD YOU

**goat bitch** : wait

**goat bitch** : how did u get that

**goat bitch** : thats for the exclusive platinum level top-tier

**bird** : i

**bird** : i have made a mistake.

** julian left the groupchat **

**the holy jesus** : JULES???????

**cat mum** : LMAOOO WHAT THE FUCK HSNDJSJCISUIDIMJSWKDJ OH GOD IM WHEEZING

**queen** : should we.. perhaps add him back?

**cat mum** : nah

**cat mum** : its late anyway

**cat mum** : we can add him tomorrow

**cat mum** : also lucio pls know we're never gonna let u live peacefully after this knowledge 

**goat bitch** : stop kinkshaming me????

**the holy jesus** : but lucio. kingkshaming is our kink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i got the feet pics patreon from somewhere idk i dont know if it exists or i hallucinated it so sorry if i accidentally steal ur idea i guess
> 
> idk what to come up with anymore

**Author's Note:**

> i gave up half way on bolding characters thank you for reading 🥺


End file.
